i'm losing hold on the center of my life...

what the fuck is wrong with me? the pressure the pressure the pressure the fucking pressure the pressure of my brain against my skull.

i want to be new

i'm all heart or all head
half-empty glasses, half dead
i'll drink me under the table
so i can look at your legs
i'll go to sleep with the lights on
to guide the way to my bed
virgin mary, quite contrary
how does your stomach grow?
sexless births,
stories rehearsed,
and your son on a cross made in rome

forever tongue

it's these terrible freezing nights that i can feel pressing down on me. the two feet of snow outside might as well be piled on my chest. it's the wind & the ice & the desperate loneliness that i can't escape. water & salt & snot & varying mixtures of all three freeze on my face & i feel more dead than alive. it's a sore from biting my lip that would heal if i could just stop tonguing it. but it won't let me ignore it. it will throb just as i've started to forget it. it will throb & i will tongue. it will never heal & i will never be ok. i need the blistering oppressive sun & everything it entails.

diminishing resilience

diving for treasure on sunken friendships
building a life on a minefield
frozen faces fell for false foundation
"all my friends are broken too"
there's also a light struggling to stay alive
winter stained clothes and eyelashes
magnetic north frozen bodies at ends of a couch
stiff frigid frost bitten from the inside out

hidden messages

i'll be quiet too.